Yoga - March 16

Yoga!  Thank you Sun Moon Yoga!  And to my brother and sister in law for giving me a 10 class pass to practice yoga. I've practiced four times so far.   The first practice ended with Sondra talking about how we are already perfect beings.   Any changes or losses do not lessen our perfection, nor do accomplishments because the essence of each of is already perfect.

She said it so beautifully.   I wept lying there, not realizing that I had this sadness from what I'd thought I'd lost through diagnosis and treatment.   As I travelled home, I felt calm, open and beautiful.  Ah, yoga.

I am going to share this message.  It is a great relief.

2nd Chemo - better

Phew, pain-wise - MUCH BETTER!  No crazy, slow walking.  Only 1 night of little sleep, and it wasn't a terribly painful night.  I just read. (Prodigal Summer)    My strategies: drug resistance (not really my strategy obviously, Yoga, foot massage, acupuntcure, regular dosing w/acetaminophen starting before the pain began.  I can't say for sure which thing is most responsible, but.....  As for the yoga & acupuncture - I'm loving both.  You know drug wise there are always more side effects to manage.  With yoga/acupuncture the worst side effect is relaxation.  And both practioners that I see have given me little bits of wisdom and happiness with their words.

Help for yucky taste, questy stomach!

To me, chemotherapy leaves my mouth tasting like a mixture of hand lotion and chloraseptic spray.

Today I have some items to share that I found improved the taste in my mouth:

1) Ginger Soother by the The Ginger People. I can only find it in town at Whole Foods
right now.


A little zip tastes great to me. And, it soothes my tummy - yummy.

2) Beeman's Original Pepsin Chewing Gum. It came in the mail from Marquita. I've almost finished it. As of now, I haven't found it in local stores. Maybe Hiller's?

3) Clark's Teaberry Gum. To me, it had a gentle cinnamon taste. Pretty good with chemo mouth. And I think that the chewing made my stomach relax a bit. Morgan & York didn't have Beeman's, but they did suggest the Clark's Teaberry.

4) Tom's of Maine - Fennel flavored toothpaste.  I used to love this toothpaste but left it behind for a more common brand.  Suddenly, I saw it on the shelf and immediately remembered that I used when I chemo the first time.  It is TONS better than the peppermint flavor.  My mouth tastes good for  a long while after using it.  Oddly, I don't normally care for fennel, anise, licorice type flavors, but I seem to with chemo mouth.

1st Chemo - Yipes! Still no nausea, but ooooh the pain!

I woke up at 2am Tuesday night with serious, intense aches in my knees, shins, ankles, feet.  The generalized aches are puncuated with  firecrackers of sharpers pains going off at random intervals making me feel like my legs could give way.  Then there are spasms that eminate from my tibias straight up through my muscles - they aren't painful, but they are irritating and strong enough to wake me up.

The pain pills did not help - not even the norco (aka. vicoden.)   I spent two hours Tuesday night sitting on the top stair.  I was afraid to go down and lose my footing.  I didn't want to go back into bed.  There was no point in waking anyone up.  I just looked out the window while trying to refocus my mind from the victim of the pain  to become the observer of the pain.  It worked pretty well.  I have to say that it is probably the worst overall pain experience of my life, but it was, I'm sure, not the worst pain a person could have.

Walking.  If you are old enough, you might remember Tim Conway's old man character from the Carol Burnett show.  That is how I am walking.  I feel like I have to keep moving anyway.  In my mind, moving my joints will help move the chemicals, the pain out my joints.  

Also, my awesome brother and sister-in-law have given me the give of a massage gift card AND a series of acupuncture treatments.  I am getting a foot massage this afternoon and seeing the acupuncturist on the 19th. 

1st Chemo - a new world of treatment

I had my first chemotherapy last Friday and a neulasta shot today.   Everything went FINE with the chemo.   Really no nausea to speak of, compared to nineteen years ago it was a piece of beautiful, delicious cake - Coconut milk cake with cream cheese frosting and dulce de leche filling.  

(Pic from Seattle based The People's Cake. Check out their brilliantly artistic cakes!)

Here's a little history.   I was treated for Hodgkin's lymphoma nineteen years ago with nine months of ABVD chemotherapy.   The prognosis was quite good: 60 of no recurrence, 85% chance of survival even with recurrence according to my memory.   However, the first few chemos were harsh.   During the infusion and immediately after I was dazed, dizzy, sedated and agitated from the crude anti-nausea drugs of the day.  I couldn't read because my vision was too blurry and my mind too addled.  Stubbornly I refused a wheelchair to get out the door, but need my parents on each arm and all the concentration I could muster to walk out 'on my own.'   Once the nausea drugs wore off I vomited and retched steadily for up to 24 hours and could maybe keep down jello for the next two or three days.  Like many others, the association with my appointment became unbearable - I started feeling anxiety, depression and nausea on the way to the appointment.  Single, without children, I began to consider and even voice the opinion that the treatment wasn't worth it.  My oncologists and parents prevailed on me to continue, but I don't know if they would have won out in the long run.

Mr. Yuck is mean. Mr. Yuck is green.

Then, somewhere around the second or third month, my oncologist announced a new anti nausea drug called Zofran.   Zofran saved my life.  After barely keeping down jello on the second or third day post infusion, I ate a grilled cheese sandwich with a chocolate milk shake a few hours after infusion and kept it down!  It was new world.   My breast cancer oncologist now was in a fellowship with my Hodgkin's oncologist then.  When I presented him with my medical records in January, he was amused to see his old pre-digital handwritten notes about treatment.  One note described a conversation with my father who wanted to know about buying stock in the company that made Zofran, and describing the dramatic difference Zofran had made for me.

The New World
Old Chemo World, Mr. Yuck World:
No food or near infusion rooms, no perfumes in or near infusion rooms, extreme nausea, disorientation - misery for days.  Oh - and I couldn't drive, I could barely walk!  For days I couldn't drive.

New Chemo Word, Delicious Cake World.:
Wow.  I read, do work, write cards, talk with others during treatment.  There is a SNACK area in the infusion center.  What?  And, I enjoy the snacks, coffee, juice, a little lunch.  I can drive myself to  and from treatment?  What the heck?

Zofran is long gone and there are newer, even better drugs.  Amazing.   I know some people still have some nausea and vomiting, but it is nothing like the Old World.

Thank you, science.